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.cruel dreams.

by Adan Bean

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about

Born days in quarantine. Same routine:

Opdiggy sends a beat. I write quickly. Record asap. And we turn something around in 24-48 hours.

This year, it required a Zoom studio session and we were under more of a time crunch. I think this all got done in just about 24 hours. Inspiration for this year's tune came from the talented homie India Shawn's project Outer Limits produced by THE James Fauntleroy. The whole project is flames, but I always had an affinity for the track "One Sun". My guy Brandon Alexander Williams told me then that I needed to do a remix of it. Sometimes, things take a year or two (...or 5). I wrote from the idea of Two Moons (which is the literal flip of One Sun). So two moons as a concept have an ambiguous meaning in dreams. It can mean a magnificent holiday or total unhappiness. I felt like that was in line with it being my birthday and what India is doing in our makeshift chorus. Sprinkle in some bass and keys from Opdiggy and there it is. Nonetheless, I hope you dig it. If not....keep that to yourself. No one asked you.

All jokes aside. I'm incredibly happy to be here another year. Everybody can't say that. Thank you for your love, support, and attention.

lyrics

Chorus:
It’s cruel...
What you’re asking me to do.
Why should I choose
If you don’t have to?

Verse 1:

She’s the dream
No Terius Nash
She’s my curious half
But she drives me delirious as
Eddie in red leather
Definite trendsetter
I'm here to pay my fair share like Lilly Ledbetter
The way I’m not kidding you’d think I’m an empty nester
Amsterdam surrounded by Vespas
The relaxation there was electric, Tesla
The soul’s what you know, the body is just extra
The fine line between the dreams and harsh realities
Throwing it all away, in a haze of technicalities
If 2 become one, then one becomes the casualty
"To lose yourself in love," she says "is a tragedy."
But what - are we - to do?
Hold onto old selves, [or] embrace something new?
To retain who we are,
It’s familiar but flawed,
So close to heaven, but so far from God...

Chorus

Verse 2:

I’ve loved you in the softest of ways
The hardest of hearts charted the waves
It’s a nautical grave
Where I would willingly die
I’d be ill to advise
Even with the One Sun, you can still be deprived
The light, Shielding your eyes
There’s reticence in your retinas
Dot dot dots, et cetera, and et cetera
She says she wants the real love, not replicas
Or she’s willing to start from scratch, eczema
Life is hard on its own
so far from home
We search for breadcrumbs
In art; songs and poems
We seek partners for journeys down the road
That will lighten the load
Despite what we’ve been told:
To exist is to survive unfair choices,
To live is to thrive amidst the noises,
Siren songs signal the trouble in the worst way
What’s a thigh gap when you’re dating a mermaid?
asking all the wrong questions in the first place...

Chorus

Bridge:

I know you love me, does that makes me yours?
The love we made do you know what that for
I don't, but I know love is not mine, you're out for now.

credits

released May 2, 2020
Reimagined by DJ Opdiggy
Check out India Shawn x James Fauntleroy's 2015 project Outer Limits
cover art photography by Saddi Khali

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Adan Bean Atlanta, Georgia

“I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” ~Joan Didion

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